when i see that rebellious look in your eyes, the defiant glare, the walls built around you. all the more i'm drawn to you. these emotions hide something underneath. something that i think i can understand. cos i feel it too. and you just feel that sometimes nobody gets you, or gets that feeling. so when you have someone who believes in you, trusts you and doesn't do all he can to suppress that rebellion, defiance and isolation. its like a whole new beginning. suddenly the reason for all that ceases to exist. and just a little reminder, its always these people who see the most, notice the details and are the most sensitive towards others.

i can go days on end not talking to him at all. we have nothing to talk about, with the exception of hello & goodnight. i really don't know how things are gonna progress when i'm in london. i wonder if 'fondness makes the heart grow fonder' does work with him. i really doubt so cause he has been absent for a large part of my life. and though i did miss him when i was younger, i'm just left with this vacant emotion towards him now. and its this vacant emotion that results me in unable to trust many. i think when things progress to the point of absence of emotions, its when you give up hope, cause there isn't any point in hoping much. you don't get angry much anymore, cause anger stems from love, concern or even reliance. and there isn't much anymore. i do love him and i do appreciate what he has given me. but its not enough to maintain our relationships anymore now.